2010 has already shown itself to be a beautifully frustrating year. Days after the new year, David and I had decided to resign as youth pastor at Arlington Baptist and a week later we decided to stay. I know most people would think we were being "immature Christians" and didnt really have a peace to go, or that we were being flaky and couldn't make up our minds but that was not the case. God gave us a peace to leave and gave us a complete peace in the end to stay. Yes is sounds ridiculous because our understanding of God's will is always a straight yes or no. Why would He say ok in both situations? I believe we feel that way because most Christian never get to see this side of God's will and His absolute sovereignty. I feel blessed that we got to experience just a little bit of that.
Why were were leaving is irrelevant now. We had valid reasons and had been praying for an answer for months.
Every thing I have ever read, or seen or heard about youth ministry states that the first 2 years are the hardest. I guess you never really know how hard until you are in tears over the frustration you feel night after night. All the books tell you to make "time for yourself and dont be afraid to demand solitude" if only it were that easy! I recently read an article that described this frustration as "feeling like they are holding a gun to your head". How accurate this description is. At times we felt like we were on an island by ourselves. All the politics, pressure and demands were enough to make anyone feel like "man I am not cut out for this". Scary how we start believing this lie. The lie satan feeds us. That we are not cut out for this. NO one is cut out for ministry. NO ONE. When you start focusing on yourself, you start to lose sight of Him. You start doubting His work in you. And before you know it, your praying for a release, praying for a way out.... Funny how God gives us what we ask for.
I read somewhere that "if you give up, you weren't called." What does that mean anyway? "Called" We have this idea that specific people are "called to the ministry" like others arent "good enough" or "Holy enough." Thats what is is, right? Us and Them? How stupid we are.
Isaiah 6:8
"I heard a voice of the Lord saying: "Whom shall I send, and who will go for Us."
Isnt God asking for anyone? He didnt name a specific person. He asked for anyone. So my understanding is that we are all called. Right? The question isnt who is called, its whether or not you answer the call.
God was not going to force David and I to stay, so He gave us peace to leave. He will never force His will on us. He doesnt have to. His will, will be accomplished whether or not we want to be a part of it. And in the end..force is not love and God is love. So the real question here is what our answer is to Him; to His call.
In our case, it is a yes. Yes Lord, use us. Use us to accomplish your will in the church. Use us to be Your vessels of love to these teenagers. Use us to reach the lost, broken and hurting. Use us.
So what next?
We brush ourselves off, and get back in the race. We put back on our armour and fight. Always remembering what is at stake. And never forgetting who has already won.
